When I started this blog it had been my loose intention to jot down current thoughts or feelings. Initially a bit nervous, I held back, as is touched on in my very first post. I became aware that most of my jottings were the sharing of other peoples words (poetry, stories etc) - albeit representative of my own sentiments. Just at the stage when I would have begun to give more of 'myself' my life was impacted on in an incredible way (ref Twenty Twenty Vision post). Such is the legal and covert nature of this incident that I am not allowed - as yet - to speak of it even to my closest friends. And yet it is consuming my whole being. So when it comes to being restricted to jottings of a lighthearted or non-personal theme I feel stifled, frustrated and - at worst - insincere. I am a very open character and ache to share my shock and outrage, my deep sorrow and my sheer disbelief at what has happened.
Now I am disappointed in myself for mentioning something again of which I cannot elaborate. It's not fair on any would-be reader. But I needed to come on here and be who I really am and be where I'm really at just now. And if that means writing about something that I cannot write about, then so be it!
I know I'm being really selfcentred today but you know - I don't care - I need this even though I hate 'me me' pieces where the 'I' key gets a battering.
Anyway, it's cathartic and it worked. I feel a lot better - though foolish - now. : -)
I know I'm being really selfcentred today but you know - I don't care - I need this even though I hate 'me me' pieces where the 'I' key gets a battering.
Anyway, it's cathartic and it worked. I feel a lot better - though foolish - now. : -)
10 comments:
I'm hurting too, Driftwood, and I cant' seem to get a grip on myself. And I, too, can't talk to anyone about it, except vent on my blog. If a blog can be used for that, so be it- Hey, I think everyone has situations like this, that need to be aired out. You can write whatever you want on your blog!
Ooo, Forget me not, I can feel your hurt. Let's have big (((((Hugs Hugs Hugs ))))) thanks for popping over x
Could be that we'd all be interested in reading some of your fiction here, driftwood. We all love fiction. And I hear you're a great writer. I bet you write poetry too. We all love metaphors, and similes, and archtypes. I'm a big fan of stream of consciousness myself.
Hi there, Gabrielle. Stop teasing! There's no way I'd put my fiction on here but I had intended to dig out and share some of my writings on 'Loss and Bereavement' before now. Perhaps I'll do that.
'Stream of Consciousness' would have made a good title for this blog (scattered fragments and all that) but no doubt someone has snapped that up. Which reminds me, I chose the title 'Beyond the Horizon' first but found it was already in use (by guess who) thinking it would be a like-minded person, I searched the so-named blog and here we all are!!! Hooray!
Moi? Teasing? I was just trying to loosen some of those restrictions. Driftwood floats, non?
Thanks for reminding me, Gabrielle. Yes, I may drift aimlessly at times but should still stay afloat.
Wow!! That's what I call serendipity!
You can post some of your fiction but sometimes reality surpasses fantasy! I'd love to read what you have to say about loss and bereavement. I've lost loved ones who have died, but sometimes I think the worst loss is when a person is still alive and you are no longer in harmony. Especially when it's due to misunderstandings caused by envy.
Now I have to go off and name my little green fear troll...Any suggestions?
Although I'm going through a similar experience, I don't know that it's a greater or lesser sense of loss than any grief over those lost through death. Grieving is always an individual experience coupled with each loss being unique and - as such - is immeasurable. The loss you speak of is certainly a different type of loss, and grief that carries such conflict would appear far harder to work through. This is touching a raw nerve as I write because it's something I'm evading myself, (physician heal thyself!). So perhaps, I too, need to face the fear, Fmn, and let my feelings surface. I will write more on loss and bereavement, Fmn, and this could be a useful angle to explore.
As for your 'little fear character' he/she has to come from within your own imagination. Your choice. Suggestions from others wont work!
I was thinking along the same lines as Gabrielle.. One can change names, places, circumstances, yet one can liken it to what is one's reality, and it may well be cathartic. I've lived long enough to know that being debriefed in some way is rather crucial. That's not easy to do here (or anywhere!), but I'm guessing there's another complication to that route.. that maybe someone is looking in, so that you cannot even fictionalize? Either way, we'll pray for you.
Hello there, Gypsy. Good to find you here. I enjoyed 'Rainbow' over on Fmn late last night but I do think a box of tissues should also have been provided!
Yes, you've guessed correctly about complications. Also, due to legalities, I'm currently restricted on speaking of the sequence of events. This in itself inhibits expressing my true feelings right now. But just being able to talk about 'not' being able to talk does help a little.- if that makes any sense.
Your prayers and support really help, thank you, Gypsy.
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