Throughout my life's journey I have looked into the eyes of many souls. I have seen love given and I have seen my own love reflected - lovingly - in return. I have melted when looking into the eyes of a child and have treasured the pools of innocence and the essence of pure simplicity. With compassion I have looked into the eyes of those overwhelmed with sorrow, grief or profound despair; I have learned the power of endurance when looking into the eyes of those suffering unbearable, physical pain; I have acknowledged the silent voice of acceptance in the brave eyes of the dying, when hope and all else is lost. But I have smiled back into the eyes of those who have known immense joy and I have also responded to the infectious sparkle in the eyes of those sharing great laughter.
On occasion, I have glimpsed the eyes of a liar or a rogue and I have not escaped the flat expression of the insincere (the contact from such eyes is always transient).
Now, in the autumn of my years, given my (now) simple lifestyle and the people I know and love, I thought I had encountered all that I was ever likely to ... I was so wrong ... For I have now looked into the face of sinister evil and I feel a sickness which I never knew could exist. Previously I have felt a churning pit in my stomach on hearing of the evil done to others not known to me personally; my heartfelt concern has gone out to them. But until now, I could have had no idea of the impact that evil thrashers upon us.
I have been looking at this face of evil for exactly twelve years and only now do I know why our eyes never really engaged; only now do I recognise what my instinct implored me to follow; only now has the evil 'lurking within' been exposed bringing a clarity to what was an elusive sense of doubt. They say - don't they - that the eyes are the windows of the soul; our eyes could not engage; for evil is bereft of soul.
And why is it, that when evil presents in the guise of woman, we (or is it just me) find it even more abhorrent? I cannot yet find words to elaborate on what I am feeling ... feeling ... an horrendous feeling. One thing I can say for sure is - as much as I wish I was not going through this experience - I do know that 'good' always soars its way through any evil damage and the victims are, eventually, richer and more worthwhile souls with a unique sense of who and what really matters in life. And I thank the Lord that the spirit of love and goodness continues to surround and envelop us.
On occasion, I have glimpsed the eyes of a liar or a rogue and I have not escaped the flat expression of the insincere (the contact from such eyes is always transient).
Now, in the autumn of my years, given my (now) simple lifestyle and the people I know and love, I thought I had encountered all that I was ever likely to ... I was so wrong ... For I have now looked into the face of sinister evil and I feel a sickness which I never knew could exist. Previously I have felt a churning pit in my stomach on hearing of the evil done to others not known to me personally; my heartfelt concern has gone out to them. But until now, I could have had no idea of the impact that evil thrashers upon us.
I have been looking at this face of evil for exactly twelve years and only now do I know why our eyes never really engaged; only now do I recognise what my instinct implored me to follow; only now has the evil 'lurking within' been exposed bringing a clarity to what was an elusive sense of doubt. They say - don't they - that the eyes are the windows of the soul; our eyes could not engage; for evil is bereft of soul.
And why is it, that when evil presents in the guise of woman, we (or is it just me) find it even more abhorrent? I cannot yet find words to elaborate on what I am feeling ... feeling ... an horrendous feeling. One thing I can say for sure is - as much as I wish I was not going through this experience - I do know that 'good' always soars its way through any evil damage and the victims are, eventually, richer and more worthwhile souls with a unique sense of who and what really matters in life. And I thank the Lord that the spirit of love and goodness continues to surround and envelop us.
6 comments:
I am truly, truly sorry that you are going through this. There are some learning experiences we wouldn't wish upon anyone. I can tell you that your physical reactions are ones that I have been through, on at least two experiences of encountering pure evil. My prayers will be with you.
Thank you, my good Gabrielle. I am still at a loss for words at what has been uncovered and I am 'stuck' in the 'feeling' for now. I always advocate giving a voice to the feeling and I trust that your prayers will carry me along that path. Circumstances prevent me from telling all just now anyway but sharing the impact of the feeling does bring some comfort. I am also saddened to hear that you too have met with the effects of evil.
So sorry for what you are experiencing. It's timely that you are feeling this at Easter, when Jesus went through exactly the same thing. I always think of the Ravensbruck prayer in cases like this. Of course, that referred to the most evil of evils, but I think we can apply it to our more quotidian encounters with "ill will":
O Lord, Remember not only the men and women of good will, but also those of ill will.
But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted on us.
Remember the fruits we have brought, thanks to this suffering-- our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart, which has grown out of all this,
and when they come to judgment let all the fruits which we have borne be their forgiveness.
Amen'"
Forget me not, your wise words and prayer brings tears, tears of comfort, just like a warm hug, and I thank you for that.
I have encountered it twice, too, not counting a family member. For those two, it wasn't a random hatred, it was cold sober and particularly for me, 'though I did not know either one, and my little children were with me both times. I know without a doubt that all of us would've been in the greatest danger, if not for unseen angels in prayers upon pleadings changing their minds, somehow, briefly enough for us to escape to safety.
At least, that's what I started out to say here, until another thought came, to ask the same question that was asked of Him at table that night, even if silently. "Is it I?"
We all are capable of acting on Lucifer's errands. This is why Blood was sweat.
A prayer for you tonight, Driftwood, for all victims, and a prayer for the evil-eyed women and men, for the sake of His sorrowful passion.
Hello,, Littlestorms, thank you for your caring and kind words, and for your prayers. Like the other good people on here - out from the darkness - shafts of light emerge to re-assure us that this world is still a beautiful place. I am so sorry to hear that you too, have known a dark place.
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